I hope you will humour me by allowing me this little diversion from the
"serious" business of the list but Roy's mention of shovelling snow
reminded me that I still had this little gem filed somewhere. Every time I
need a laugh I read it again.
Bruce
DIARY OF A COCHRANE RESIDENT
Aug 12 - Moved to our new home in Cochrane. It is so beautiful
here. There is an azure blue lake surrounded by a quaint park
situated right in the middle of town. Now I understand why
Cochrane is called the "jewel of the north"! Can hardly wait for
the snow to come so I can go ice-skating on the lake with my
family.
September 20 - Cochrane is the most beautiful place in the north!
The leaves of the poplars have turned a bright yellow and shimmer
like sapphires in the light autumn winds back-dropped against the
majestic green spruce trees. Went for a car ride and saw a moose.
Certainly they are the most noble animal on earth. This must be
paradise. I love it here!
October 8 - Moose season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone
wanting to kill such a magnificent creature. Hope it will snow
soon. I love it here!
November 20 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything
blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside
and cleaned the snow off the steps and shovelled the driveway. We
had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplough came by, we
had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love
Cochrane!
Dec 15 - More snow last night. I love it. The snowplough did his
trick again in the driveway. I love it here.
Dec 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to
get to work. I am exhausted from shovelling. Fucking snowplough!
Dec 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters
on my hands from shovelling. I think the snowplough hides around
the curve and waits till I'm done shovelling the driveway. Asshole!
Dec 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas! More friggen snow. If I ever get
my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplough, I swear
I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on
the roads to melt the fucking ice.
Dec 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three days
except for shovelling out the driveway after that snowplough goes
through every time. Can't go anywhere, car's stuck in a mountain of
white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 25 cm of the shit
again tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow 25 cm is?
Dec 28 - The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 50 cm of that
white shit this time. At this rate it won't melt until summer. The
snowplough got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door
to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had broken six shovels
already shovelling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I
broke my last one over his fucking head.
Jan 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to
get food and on the way back a damned moose ran in front of the car
and I hit it. Did about $5,000 damage to the car. Those fucking
beasts should be killed. Wished the hunters had killed them all
last October.
May 15 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the
thing is rusting out from the fucking salt they put all over the
roads?
May 20 - Moved to Brisbane, Australia. I can't imagine why anyone
in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken place.
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